The Definition Of BDSM
When most people here BDSM they think of someone being tied up and, in some cases, abused. That kind of behavior is a part of BDSM, but it’s only a small fraction of the many facets of this fetish. BDSM is actually an acronym for three separate categories of fetishistic behavior: bondage & discipline (B&D), domination and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). When you combine all three and merge the letters you get BDSM, a huge catch all sexual fetish. Many of the behaviors practiced in this fetish would normally be quite unpleasant to undergo, such as the extreme pain associated with some S&M behaviors. In normal situations you wouldn’t choose to be subjected to such punishments. However, all BDSM behaviors have a sexual element to them and both partners are achieving gratification on an erotic level.
The first of the three BDSM elements is bondage & discipline. B&D is the element most people think of when the first hear the term BDSM. It involves people being restrained in a variety of ways for pleasure and setting up a system of rules and punishment to govern the behavior of the submissive in the partnership. In this way D&S is involved in B&D because there is always one dominant and one submissive in a two person B&D situation. One person does the tying up and sets for the rules while the other person allows themselves to be controlled.
D&S is often referred to as the mental side of BDSM because physical contact is not necessary at all for the successful practice of it. D&S relationships can be conducted from long distance, say over email or an internet chat program. A webcam can also be used to bring a great connection between the dom and sub. People fall into three roles in D&S play. There are the dominants, those who take the superior position. There are the submissives, those who choose the subordinate role. Lastly there are switches, who derive sexual pleasure from occupying either role.
The final component of BDSM is sadism & masochism, or S&M. Sadism is gaining sexual pleasure from the infliction of pain and/or suffering on another person. Masochism is gaining sexual pleasure from receiving pain or suffering inflicted. Sadists need a partner to live out their fantasies but a masochist can achieve sexual arousal through pain all by themselves (self mutilation or flagellation for example). S&M are most often used together though because there are typically two people engaged in the practice.
Often times people are only interested in or practice certain parts of the BDSM triangle, but most of the time if you’re into one particular aspect of it you’ll find that the other parts also turn you on. A submissive will be naturally inclined to drift towards bondage because it’s giving up more control and that’s the very nature of being submissive. It’s a bigger step to move in the S&M realm, since not everyone will enjoy the infliction of pain, but if you start small and work your way to great pain I think you’ll find that it’s a natural progression.
